I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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