fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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