Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The Olympian is in my bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
