Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
