K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
