He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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