I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
