This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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