If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Drunk is a universal language darling
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize