Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize