Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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