I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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