I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
