Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
