i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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