My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
