I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
