If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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