My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
