She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
