whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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