five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize