You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
