god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
