is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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