You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
