I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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