Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
