Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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