it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just had sex on a roof
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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