Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
