somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
