Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize