I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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