my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
