we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
