I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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