Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
