i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
