I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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