woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize