There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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