you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
