Your face is a jimmy john
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
