hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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