We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
