I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
