note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
