I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize