dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
