i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
