we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize