Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
