if i can run in heels then i can drive
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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