All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize