omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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