my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
