that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
