Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So. Much. Porn.
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