She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize