Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
