I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
