Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
